Kayden Kross Official Blog: flol @ Kayden Kross's Official Site

Saturday, March 6, 2010

flol

I hate lol. Visually it's like nails on a chalkboard. When I
read it I want to reach through my screen and wipe it away. I want an edit
button for it, or one of those little blurry boxes. Digital white out.

Rofl isn't as prevalent so it doesn't activate my OCD in the
same way. Ttyl seems outdated and is therefore not a threat to me. I can't even
comprehend these new emotional outburst acronyms that are longer than four
characters in length, aside from, of course, lololololol--which naturally makes
me want to stab things. I can handle brb, but I think only because I know
exactly one person who uses it, and he uses it with extreme wit, sarcasm, and
caution. This formula makes anything OK.

I have small but acute internal meltdowns that I feel peer
pressure to mask when people actually verbalize lol in conversation. Lies. When
you say lol to me in my physical presence you are not, in fact, lol-ing. In
fact I suspect that when you type lol you are not laughing out loud at me even
then. I suspect you're looking at your screen with the same expressionless
straight face or slight smirk that I am, because facial expressions are only
used in the presence of others, because they are a form of visual communication
with other life forms that actually have to see you to get it.

But I'm starting to get it. It doesn't bother me any less,
I'm just rationalizing it better. Especially lately when I say things on
twitter that are not meant to be taken literally, but are, and before I know it
I have people who don't get the reference asking where they can send flowers
and get well soon cards and whether I've designated a next of kin. My rabbit is
my next of kin. There.

But I'm committing the same crime with smiley faces. People
say I do them backwards, like this:

(:

To be honest I don't think it's possible to smile backwards.

They are my go-to response as I answer emails. They are code
for many things, such as "I don't speak your language" or "I don't want to
answer your question" or "I do not want to commit myself to your opinion or get
into an argument with you over it" or "I can't tell whether that's rhetorical".
Mostly I find myself adding them to the end of almost everything I say as an
insurance policy against being taken literally.

That's just the problem with written language across the
distance of the web though. All of the subtleties of visual cues and intonation
are stripped away and next thing you know what you intended as the most awesome
joke of the century has been grossly misinterpreted as serial killer tendencies
and so on. Compound that with the language and cultural barriers you run into
as you respond to people all over the world in real time and the emotional
distress becomes immeasurable, as with the islander who took me seriously when
I suggested we elope in Canada and hunt moose for sustenance.

So that's where I am on Friday night--sitting at home
rationalizing pop culture acronyms (which to my horror I discovered all have
Wikipedia pages), and taking it a step further as I grapple with whether I can
actually use them. I know I should out of compassion for the poor souls I've
unwittingly fucked with, but I'm going with the slippery slope argument on this
one and I'm afraid of where opening this floodgate of intolerable methods of
communication might take me. I tried it on. I practiced saying lol in the
mirror. I don't wear it right. It's like the first time I cussed in 6thgrade and everyone laughed instead of taking my middle-school outburst
seriously. I really meant it when I finally said the F-word. So what if I
stuttered.

posted by Kayden Kross on 1:42 AM :: 15 comments

15 Comments:

I'd love to say I read this Blog and agree with you, Kayden, but the pic that went with it might be the single sexiest pic I have ever seen of you. I am to buys wiped the all of the drooling I did over it off my computer to actually notice what you said. Knowing my reax from the pic I can only imagine my reax seeing this in person. Then again - myabe not - not sure my heart could take it. Ass stunningly gorgeous as you are on the OUTSIDE this Blog and all interview you do show you are even more beautiful on the INSIDE

By Date Whisperer, at March 7, 2010 2:03 PM

I have to agree with Date Whisperer, that photo attached to this blog is HOT HOT HOT.

By Sdlakersfan, at March 7, 2010 4:44 PM

Letter to my fwb: Hi T, it's Weds and you are my atf. So why don't you cum over tonight and we can get comfortable. I want pse and gfe. Btw, you are a lovely spinner and tgtbt. I'll start you out with some fbsm, then I want bbbj from you, then how about some daty and fiv from me.
Inho you are the best baby! Can't wait to do cg, missionary, and ds with you.
Wtf, you can't be here at 11:00 tonight. I wait up 4U with some sbux. Can't wait to cu as you promised me mp. And I'll treat you with tlc baby.
Looking forward to seeing you tonight. Lol, xoxo Glenn

By Glenn, at March 8, 2010 2:47 AM

Hi Kayden!

If you put such photos aside your journal, I am loosing my concentration girl!!
(and can't read any further....)

bliss!

By Het Veldwerkteam, at March 9, 2010 10:36 AM

You should respond to "lol" with "fml"...

Ditto the pic sentiments; beauty personified.

By Hays, at March 11, 2010 9:13 AM

didn't you know? wikapidia is the form of evil!

you are sitting at home on a fridy night, but its better than to be a soldjer in iraq, isn't it?

By Gil, at March 11, 2010 5:59 PM

I used to feel the same way about lol, but it's kind of like when you here a low level beep over and over and over again for so long that you're brain ceases to notice it. So instead of physical nausea, it's just a mild twinge that I have learned to meditate away. BUT, it's lmao that is potentially worse - are they actually laughing their asses off really? I don't think so! Now, I agree with the others - the part of my male brain that is overwhelmed by the sight of pure beauty and pure lust is ... slowly....clouding....drool....

By Kid Met, at March 13, 2010 12:55 PM

LOL

By Anthony, at March 13, 2010 2:56 PM

XOXO

By Glenn, at March 14, 2010 3:06 AM

I know exactly what you mean by this...I'm fairly used to the web and it's conversational protocols but never managed to get into this whole 3 letter expression of...anything really. I especially like talking with my baby cousin through MSN, it's like trying to decipher runic writing. Thing is though, teenagers nowadays consider us odd for not knowing that they stand for and not using them....I'd never thought I'd feel old at 28.

By Erevos, at March 16, 2010 1:38 AM

I'm such a spazztastic dork that I tend to type out *cracking up* or *laughing* -- but the thing is? I usually AM.

I've had people tell me that they can tell how I am feeling or with whom I am dealing by the way I look when I type. It may not be a visual cue to the person who will ultimately get it, but I think I was trained by years of phone work - I halfway believe the recipient can tell how I looked when I was typing.

But I also spend my days talking to webmasters via IM. There's a fairly absurd number of smilies that inhabit my day.

By MizWright, at March 16, 2010 8:16 AM

O.M.G. this is perefect! sorry...brb... i HATE all this text IM lingo and lol does seem to bring out the hate inside when i see it too. i notice alot of people will use it when they are saying something awful (that they mean) and want it to sound like a joke. ex: "you are so fat...lol!" i often reply "i will dismember your family"

By the artful dodger, at March 22, 2010 12:26 PM

I hate LOL's as well. They're just a embodiment of lack of writing skills. And a pop culture thing with the younger generation of course too, but I don't want to be a part of it.

I guess they're a bit meaningless now, because the LOL has been overused and who actually smiles or laughs out loud, when they are inserting the LOL into a message?

I must however admit also that I've committed the crime of becoming a user of smileys. Mostly in text messages. And mostly with girls.

They just color the tone of the sentence to a more positive way. Like: "I have never really understood you." --> "I have never really understood you :)" Whereas the first one is almost an insult and the second one much lighter expression.

Well, anyways good to see that someone else is also tired of the ou-em-gees and other code shit, so I'm not alone. Also, you're a good writer and I often visit your blog for checking new posts. Keep up the good work!

And sorry for the rambling comment.

By Karri, at March 30, 2010 6:36 AM

At one point my friends and I started acronyming normal sentences to each other via text messages and trying to decipher them for amusement. Usually we'd start them out with something recognizable: IMHOTWACIFD.

As it turns out, we're both snobs for language. I refuse to use 2 or U or other text crap. I'd rather type out two messages than compromise my words.

By Nick, at April 10, 2010 5:44 AM

Its nice to know someone else out there that understands my way of thinking. I think people have used these acronyms so much that meaning has been lost and has been replaced with dependency. Its funny you should mention lol to be such a nusiance for you but you admit to be using backwards smiley faces, as if the person receiving the message is to know wether your really smiling or not. Using such devices when instant messaging or texting has become yet another way of conforming and fitting in. What was once used as devices to make typing and texting much easier has become a state of approval depending on which iconic text you use. You use the backwards smiley not because it really means something to you but because the group of friends or family members in your life have accepted it as your signiture. But why do we need such icons as signitures? Because personalizing everything we have in our lives is only human nature. Almost as if we are purposely droping bread crumbs everywhere we go in our lives so we can retrace our footsteps and show not only ourselves but others where we have gone and what we have done. So next time you see lol or whatnot remember someones just leaving crumbs around just as you do with you backwards smileys, oh and one more thing its not physically possible to smile backwards so you questioning your logic on such matters makes me wonder on what plane of logic you stand

By Skye, at April 13, 2010 10:43 PM