Kayden Kross Official Blog: watching my every step... @ Kayden Kross's Official Site

Sunday, November 29, 2009

watching my every step...

There is something to be said for goals. We all make them, consciously or not. We need things to aim for and things to look forward to and sometimes we just need a hobby. Sometimes other people need a hobby. Sometimes we fall victim to other peoples' hobbies. I've become caught in that trap.

Rewind 8 months. I started working with a new trainer on referral, and unbeknownst to me, expectations had already been set. I just wanted to feel like I was working out, but a little bird had whispered in his ear that I really like to be pushed. Lies.

When I got there, the sign in the bathroom asked that patrons kindly clean up their own blood and vomit… granted, that was in the men's restroom, but there was no women's restroom. I was in over my head before the first dumbbell was dropped in my limp hands. Next thing I knew I was doing the GI Joe crawl between 60-second sprints on the treadmill and creating various ailments that would medically prevent me from what might come next. Between what I've led him to believe and what he’s put me through, we both find it rather odd that I've survived this long. Thank god for a job that makes me travel far far away from LA and his regime on a weekly basis. If it weren’t for that I’d either be eligible for fitness competitions or dead.

So that's my trainer, the loveable dictator. He checks up on me with midnight texts inquiring on my sugar intake and cardio output. I lie to him so he can sleep at night. I can attribute the abs to him. I'm definitely stronger. I can even do real push-ups but get too winded because I whine the whole way through. But I haven’t lost what he calls "the gingerbread layer" and he's acutely aware of this. He is on a mission.

So my phone rang at 11:15 this morning. It woke me up. I answered and he asked where I was. I was in bed. I asked where he was. He was at the gym. Why? Because we had an 11am appointment. He told me in a voice that should not be argued with to get my ass out of bed and get to the gym. I obliged. When I walked in I knew I was in trouble. He had his laptop out and a row of pill bottles and a cute little thing still in it’s packaging that looked like a nano pet. He told me to sit down. On the laptop was a detailed diet plan that mostly said things like “chicken” and “fish” and “vegetables”. I frowned. He pointed to the first bottle. Chewable vitamin C. I was instructed to take two of them a day until I felt 100%, and again every time I felt like anything was coming on. He pointed to the next bottle. Food-derived all-in-one vitamin capsules. One a day forever. I pouted. I don’t do pills. He pointed to the third bottle. Dried mushrooms in capsule form. Supposedly potent as immune boosters. I would never be sick again. I saw my excuses fading before my very eyes. I mourned their loss to myself. Then he opened the little gadget.

And that’s how I ended up with a pedometer nestled warmly in my Ugg boot. I was instructed to take 10,000 steps a day no matter what. I was told that the average American takes 2,500 steps a day and the average European does nearly 20,000 and that’s why we have an obesity epidemic and I’m sitting around daydreaming about French people who have dessert after every meal and then prance around in their size nothing sexiness. So he’s making me walk like French people but taking away the dessert that French people get as a walking reward. Simply unfair.

I’ve caught the bug though. I have a new toy. I parked further away so I could rack up steps. I did serpentines around tables at the restaurant to add more distance to my route out the door. I took the stairs. Every hour I dug the toy out of my boot to check my progress. It was slow coming to say the least. When I finally made it home at 11pm I still had 2,400 steps to go so I turned on an episode of Family Guy and walked the remainder until I hit exactly 10,000. I texted my victory to a friend who had bet $10 against me and then I texted my trainer. He will sleep well tonight, but the friend says that because it was technically after midnight when I hit 10,000 I’ve lost the bet. The jury is hung on that one. I just want to know where the fuck all the Europeans are walking to if I can’t even cover half of their distance with the aid of a treadmill.

I’m not taking the pills though. I don’t do pills.

posted by Kayden Kross on 1:33 AM :: 8 comments

8 Comments:

Hey there Kayden,
I agree on the pills. Artificial vitamins and health supplements are never a "good choice".
Always get your essential vitamins and minerals from real food. No matter what.

Regarding the whole walking more than 10.000 paces a day. Well.. there are several reasons it is easier for us Europeans compared to americans. Firstly it´s very commonf for a couple of frineds to just go out and walk around chatting instead of sitting at home chatting. All our cities are inherently designed to be pedestrian friendly. Meaning that anything and everything can be reached on foot.

Groceries, general shopping, any kind of shopping in fact can be done on foot. Secondly our general culture often compells us to walk instead of driving because of enviromental concerns (and or cars even polute less to begin with ;) )

Also a good alternative to walkin is taking a bike and pedalling aroun d that for a few hours, enjoying the nature and fresh air. It's less exercise than walking but it's a whole lot better than mechanical transports (Car, motorcycles etc).

Anyways what i wanted to say was that it is not uncommon for people in Denmark, Europe to walk up to 2 miles (7km) or take the bike up to 15 miles (30 km) to work every day.

By Kuruderu, at November 29, 2009 5:23 AM

Well I think you have to consider hunching, honey. Hunching IMO equalse 1,000 steps in the right direction ;) Dried mushrooms?
M E R C Y! Haven't you ever noticed when eating a fairly good size mushroom, that to the toung, it feels exactly like a clitoril hood? :P I would never deprive myself of that sensation for any fanatic ;) About you lifting weights; your gingerbread layer is exactly what we love about you sugar! x! x! x! I would hate to see you skinny and mussel bound.
Loved this story!

By Levi, at November 29, 2009 11:57 AM

0% body fat is neither healthy, nor, (this part is my opinion but pretty widely held) attractive. Health & fitness is one thing, cutting to bone, sinew & muscle is something else entirely. Tell that martinet your goal is "sexy", not "anatomical specimen"!

By mpilnick, at November 29, 2009 2:34 PM

'I just want to know where the fuck all the Europeans are walking to if I can’t even cover half of their distance with the aid of a treadmill.'
nowhere by choice, believe me - we're just walking because we don't have cars. The idea of running on some hamster wheel in a blood and vomit filled gymnasium is pretty horrifying to me; you americans are obv. made of strong stuff.

your posts are really funny by the way - I'm surprised you don't get more comments on them.

By Londoner, at November 29, 2009 5:06 PM

So, the Family Guy DVD-set , which I bought for your birthday has also another purpose than entertaining you... LOL

By T-Diddy, at November 29, 2009 10:41 PM

Public transport keeps you in the move. :) That's where we get the necessary steps (EU). Well, at least I do.

By silvestre, at November 30, 2009 5:20 AM

I appreciate your struggles with the fitness Nazi. As annoying as the process might be, I love the results that I see :-).

By Hays, at November 30, 2009 9:42 AM

"Bonjour mademoiselle",

I must confess I was amazed by your beauty. Frist of all, the world of pornography is filled with vulgar looking low-class girls who belive that they might reach another level of emancipation by entering this world of "adventure". This is, obviously, not true. And second of all, you go way beyond simple "pornographicly fit looks". The ancient philosophers thought that beauty is a sign of inner harmony between mind and spirit and as far as I belive, they are not that far away from the truth. What I mean to say by this is that beauty usualy goes hand in hand with a profound way of thinking. And your blog enteries were a confirmation to that. You are intelligent, and for that, I appreciate you even more. I did not plan to read them from the beginning, but following the logic of the ancient thinkers, I said to myself: let me really see if that what they say is true.
Do not think of me as an obsessive, lifeless man, who watches "pr0n" non-stop. It was mearly a coincidence that I bumped on some of your material. I was instantly struck by the way you found yourself in contrast to the majority of actresses that perform in you field of work.

Allow me, in the gentile-homme manner of Dostoievskian characters, to kiss your hand and depart to work.
Au revoir, mademoiselle! From an anonymous Romanian "monsieur".

Post Scriptum: This is totally unrelated to the topic of discussion, except maybe for the fact that I am European.

Post Post Scriptum: I would have send you an e-mail to avoid "spaming" your blog, but I couldn't find one.

By fakejewcommunity, at January 14, 2010 1:05 AM