Kayden Kross Official Blog: Friends @ Kayden Kross's Official Site

Monday, November 2, 2009

Friends

I’ve always had friends that I could disagree with. They have their funky religious views and political views and social views or I don’t like the people they date or the fact that they eat veal in restaurants or I think their taste in movies sucks but they’re still my friends nevertheless. Sometimes we fight about whether I’m an ass because I’m bad at keeping in touch or whether they’re an ass because they’re needy and maybe we’re both asses and we just don’t want to admit it but after we’ve bickered about it over dinner and run around the issue in circles we can leave knowing we’ll still be friends in the morning.

I haven’t spoken to one of my best friends in the world in almost a year because we had the same fight we always have and I’ll never get her and she’ll never get me but we’ve been doing this for 12 years and I miss the hell out of her and that’s why it keeps going. I have others that I haven’t spoken to in almost a year but when we meet up again it will be like there was no lapse at all. We don’t need to keep in touch to like being around each other when our paths cross.

There are people I can confide in, people who I don’t agree with or who don’t agree with me but it makes for good conversation. I love Ayn Rand but sometimes I really get Lenin and one of the most introspective people I’ve ever met in this industry talked to me about Buddhism and his religious tattoos while I read Nietzsche and I was fascinated by him. I keep changing. Just when I think I’ve finally taken a solid position on something I’ll learn something new and it will throw a wrench in the whole thing and I’ll have to start over. Friends are good for that. They keep you updated on their view of the world and give you a chance to jump in.

Sometimes I don’t jump though. Sometimes I think people are batty but I love them and on at least an equal number of occasions I’ve been certifiably insane but they’ve loved me too. People get emotional and operate within their own constructs from their own perspectives and if you haven’t been there you can’t definitively say whether they’re right or wrong. You shouldn’t have to though. I’m a big advocate of personal responsibility and whatever decisions my friends make are entirely their decisions but it doesn’t mean I’m not there to talk about it.

That gets me to the point of this blog. I’ve taken a lot of crap for my association with Mike South. We were originally put in touch because of his ties to Adam and Eve at the time and my interest in a contract with them. During the interview process we talked a lot and it turned into a weird friendship. I knew nothing about his blog or who he was in the industry. The only thing I knew was that he was immediately helpful when I was a complete stranger and has been available to talk 24 hours a day ever since, and especially when I’ve needed someone to talk to most. He has never been on my payroll or held any official title with me, there has never been anything sexual between us, but he has always been there to talk me through everything from the most serious and personal to the most useless and random. Months after my contract with Adam and Eve was in place he invited me to write for his site and I was happy to. That’s when I learned that it’s best not to hold public opinions.

The thing I didn’t expect is that I would start being tied to everything that ended up on his site whether I was aware that it was even posted or not, much less whether I agreed or not. I have tried to make a passive effort at distancing myself from his blog because of this. I do not write for it. I do not have an affiliate link from it and generally I try not to read it or any industry sites for that matter. Mike and I have had screaming matches over this issue but there is no simple resolution. Either I have a public association with MikeSouth.com and deal with the consequences of that or I don’t. I do not want to deal with the consequences of other people’s opinions. It has nothing to do with my feelings about that person or anyone else. I just don’t want to answer for things I have no control over. It’s hard not to laugh when people think I’m somehow Mike’s puppet master. He was posting controversial blogs long before I came along and he will be doing so long after I’m gone. He’s had good relationships with people and he’s had bad relationships with people and regardless of their standing with him he’s never been someone you can control and I am one on a long list of people who can attest to that.

posted by Kayden Kross on 11:28 AM :: 7 comments

7 Comments:

Kayden,
Truely good friends are like family. No matter how pissed you get at them, you still love them. It really is worth the effort to stay in touch with people you care about.

Didn't I just say something like this??

By JMStLou, at November 2, 2009 12:07 PM

Sometimes, even if difficult, it's good to let a friendship go (if it
is not productive or positive). Then like magic, something else opens up. The hard part is letting go.

By Glenn, at November 2, 2009 1:32 PM

Sounds reasonable....well, all of it except that you like Ayn Rand. :)

Of course, I have no fucking clue who Mike South is, so I might not be your intended audience.

But, always like reading your stream of consciousness posts. Much better than most of the stuff I read on the net...and the pictures don't suck either.

By The Musings of Strawman Munny, at November 2, 2009 9:43 PM

Why care what 'people' think? You like the guy, you want to write for his blog, you do so. Anyone that has an issue with that, f**k 'em. They aren't your friends or family. (Right?)

By Assman, at November 6, 2009 5:08 PM

Why care what 'people' think? You like the guy, you want to write for his blog, you do so. Anyone that has an issue with that, f**k 'em. They aren't your friends or family. (Right?)

By Assman, at November 6, 2009 5:09 PM

To quote from Tequila Sunrise: "Friends are the only decision you make in life."

The fun of friends in my opinion as well is that you can disagree and still be friends. Much harder to do with family.

But just as with family, things can become more tricky when you start doing business with each other. In business somehow more than in friendship reputation matters and one's reputation - whether that is right or wrong - is influenced by the reputation of one's business relationships.

I got a call the other day from someone trying to sell her company's consulting services to me. I was referred to you by an ex-colleague I have no professional respect for. That disrespect transferred to her and she immediately faced an uphill battle in her sales call with me.

I believe that friendship means that no matter what others may think of my friend, I stand by him or her because s/he's my friend; and I expect the same in return.

That doesn't work in business.

By Flater, at November 10, 2009 10:12 AM

Kayden,

I'm sorry you're getting crap from morons who are unable to make distinctions between things.

I'm going to fantasize that I am one of your friends so I can disagree with you. Ayn Rand is a powerful writer and clever novelist, but her philosophy is black-and-white simplistic and can easily lead to narcissism at the least and magalomania at the extreme.

Trying to live by her own creed did not lead to happiness in her personal life; quite the opposite in fact.

I did love the fact that you were soaking up knowledge from everywhere, including Buddha and Nietsche. It is your intellectual curiosity as much as your beauty that makes me want to fantasize about being your friend.

By rob, at November 15, 2009 5:54 PM