Kayden Kross Official Blog: The answer is Megan Fox. @ Kayden Kross's Official Site

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The answer is Megan Fox.

Today was day two of the Fall 09 semester. In logical order yesterday was day one and I realized it about an hour before my first class was scheduled to start. I have 12 units on the roster again and I hate six of them. I love the other six though, despite the $250 books and the fact that they each run for three hours straight. I love them so much that I looked forward to losing a beauty pageant of sorts just to be on time today.

The “pageant”: It started off as a cattle call. Thousands of applicants were narrowed down to 50 and 50 down to 8. I made it that far. The problem with making it that far though is that my alarm went off at 5am this morning. Very few things are worth 5am traumatic wake up sirens and this barely teetered on the edge.

I got up though and found my way to a rented out bar with a room full of half naked Playboy quality chicks. If I’ve just given life to your personal fantasy I don’t blame you. Feel free to covet at this point. Hours later we hobbled down a series of winding staircases in red-soled pumps and silver bangles and presented ourselves to a round of judges and a surprise audience. This was the trivia portion. If we made it to the next round we’d be demonstrating a “uniq ue talent”. Thank god I didn’t make it that far because I do not have one.

The “questions”: I got lucky. Things could have been much worse. The professional cheerleader next to me matched players with teams and trophies with years effortlessly as she tossed her perfectly smooth hair over her perfectly tanned shoulder. The two to the right smacked down questions about the Simpsons and drinking games and things they couldn’t say they “never have I ever” done. Cheers to the chick with the personal sex tape floating around. And me? I knew what a “shart” was. Woo Hoo. They had the cool trivia and I had more things related to buttholes primed and ready on the tip of my tongue.

There were things I didn’t know. I didn’t know who owned the Lakers and I still don’t. Megan Fox. When in doubt the answer is always Megan Fox. That’s what I learned from the guys I asked about guy knowledge. They immediately hit me with a follow up question. “Who coaches the Lakers?” Megan Fox. Duh.

And then there were the open-ended questions. What super power would we have and why…. And of course, have we ever been with a girl. The girls around me had kissed a few, drunk or at least surrounded by other drunk people. The cute little cheerleader confided that she had never actually sealed the deal…. And then there was me. I’ve sealed many a deal. I said so. I got that racy cheer from the crowd. That would be my claim to fame for the day.

So I didn’t make it to the final round. The girls who knew every character and every level of every bestselling video game for the past five years and the girls who knew that Homer Simpson drinks Duff Beer at Moe’s made it to the final round. I smiled broadly and clapped and slipped out the back door, happy for the publicity and the chance to duck out on demonstrating my non existent talent, and mostly because I was going to be on time for the six units I don’t hate.

posted by Kayden Kross on 10:46 PM :: 9 comments

9 Comments:

Now now, don't sell yourself short, Kayden. There IS something you're skilled at. It's not technically "unique" and I doubt they'd have let you demonstrate it right there in front of a crowd, but you've certainly got it. And I think you know what I'm talking about ;) Ohhhh yeah... That's right....... ;)

Your ability to rescue small animals! :D

*drum rimshot!*
-Kaijen

By Kaijen, at September 3, 2009 12:50 AM

Pretty hilarious. I might agree with the idea that for guys the answer is always Megan Fox, except for a) too many tats for my taste, b) she constantly bad mouths our entire gender c) she seems almost as oblivious and self-absorbed (but not as dumb) as Paris Hilton. But, hey, she does look good.

Kayden congrats on starting back to school. If my undergrad memory serves, sometimes its the classes you start out hating where you end up learning the most. (Unless you hate it because the prof's a complete douchebag, then you're SOL)

Proud of you. I know it doesn't mean much coming from a stranger, but still; it needed to be said.

By Rob, at September 3, 2009 3:18 AM

For guy questions Megan Fox is always a good answer, but Kayden Kross is a much better answer :)

You don't need no stupid beauty pagent to show you are the best, it is a undeniable fact that you are.

My future wife is THE BEST

By Carl, at September 3, 2009 7:00 AM

Congratulations on beginning another semester. I know there are great things in store for you, because you won't let it be any other way. I really admire you, not only for the pleasure you bring to many people, but I truly believe that the world hasn't begun to see what's in store for you. Keep up the great work and you'll always have the support of this Black, educated, social justice advocate in Chicago.

SG

By sharodlgs, at September 3, 2009 10:21 AM

Cynical blog post and enthusiasm for college notwithstanding, you still participated.

By Grant, at September 3, 2009 1:25 PM

Jerry Buss, the long-time owner of the Lakers.

Be sure to invite me next time, please :-).

By Hays, at September 3, 2009 9:34 PM

Oh tish and fie, KK! Enough of this false modesty!

You can write a bit, a talent many think they have but in reality don't (Dan Brown and JK Rowling spring to mind).

By hesspartacus, at September 4, 2009 3:00 AM

Megan Fox is the wrong answer. This however seems to work even when questions aren't asked.

By -Papa, at September 4, 2009 12:50 PM

You write so good, I could literally put myself in your shoes! As a student myself, I commend you for enrolling back in school and getting your education.

By urbanfrugalchick, at September 7, 2009 9:33 PM