14 comments
14 Comments:
Well, actually, people did the same stuff in the 20s as they do now. In fact, there are grainy black and white videos, shot in the infancy of film, of people doing everything you can see in modern adult movies. Anal, oral, doggie style, 69ing, groups/gangbangs, etc. It's all there. There just wasn't the Internet and few people had cameras so a lot of that stuff wasn't well documented or preserved. I saw an HBO documentary on this. Pretty interesting stuff, really.
It's no surprise to me that people have such crazy kinks when it comes to porn. Porn is all about selling a fantasy. For instance, many of the positions used aren't comfortable, but the actors have to pretend they're having the time of their lives. Their pretend enjoyment exists to sell the idea that this type of sex feels as good as it looks. This is fantasy. The viewer doesn't want to think, "Man, if I tried to hold my leg up in the air for 5 minutes straight like that guy, my muscles would be sore for a week!" He just wants to see the goods, see the action, and let the fantasy take over.
If you tried to have a normal guy mimic the actions of the guy in the scene, he'd be begging for slow, quiet missionary in a couple of minutes or less. Kinda makes sense that porn guys would want something relaxing and calm after straining themselves all day to make a shot look good. Right?
As for BDSM, there are clubs that appeal to people such as that where all the tools are available to the members, but really, yeah, that stuff seems like a lot more work than it's worth. ;)
Kayden:
If you are serious, please send me one of your surveys on message board email and I will answer it for you. I think it would be fun for you to compile a list of modern day statistics on sexuality. If so, I hope you would post the results for us and tell us what your sample size is. Please make sure you compile all interests, activities, life styles, etc. into basic groups such as sex, age, single or married etc. As a former economic and statistical analyst,this would be highly interesting.
I think it can be summed up by saying it's the times we are living in -- the age of the instantaneous. For example, everyone in the world knew of MJ's death within an hour of it happening.
The same goes with sex: in high school it could take me months of networking through friends and their friends and their other friends just to get a second-rate porno (on VHS no less). Now I can have instant access to everything that goes on in the porn industry with just a few clicks of the mouse button. The result is that it exposes a lot of people to inconceivably kinky stuff that they had no idea was even possible (like the sperm in a blender, ugh). But after seeing it on the web (1000s of times probably), it's natural for your typical Office Space worker to think that everybody is doing it.
I don't blame the porn guys for wanting slow, quiet missionary sex. Must be refreshing.
BTW - New fan of your blogs. I was quite surprised at how eloquent your writing is. Great work and keep it up!!
So what you're getting at here is that few people actually practice the fetishes that porn seems to promote (unfortunately).
As a straight guy, I can testify that I believe the female body is indeed beautiful and there are certain features about the body of a woman that may cross my mind while I am fantasizing or masturbating. The problem is though, is that I think a lot of men aren't creative enough and tend to overfocus on a single feature, hence the label of "assman" being used to describe a man that is particularly attracted a woman's ass. I think overfocused sexual attractions are what manifests in fetishes. Personally I like to appreciate the whole package, and especially during sex.
I think the ability to appreciate all that a woman has to offer in the bedroom leads to the more fun, wild kind of sex we're all looking for. I say this because an aware lover is a thoughtful and mindful lover, and creative as well.
Unfortunately no, you won't be the Kinsey of modern day. Not in the sense he liked to think of himself: as a dispassionate scientist (as to how compiling statistics qualifies as doing science is anyone's guess).
But, in another sense, yes, you will be a modern day Kinsey. You will further sexualize a culture that doesn't - and never did - need any sexualizing (thank you very much). That is, you will perform yet another attempt to outdo your indsutry competitors by giving an old, and long neglected, niche new life: intellectualized mental masturbation.
"I just wonder what we’re all doing in real life."
Looking for the emotional connection? The spark between you and your partner, the connection that makes it mean something between 2 people, the spark that satisfies both you both -- orgasms aside.
Porn is a product -- most of it is boring, a tiny percentage is satisfying. Mostly masturbation, whether individually, coupled, or part of a mass orgy.
Drinking the cum and lube of 84 guys? I hope the lady was well compensated -- that sounds like real hard work to me. Like cleaning up after a murder, or decontaminating a meth lab. What does that have to do with relationships in real life?
My long-term lady friend just laughs at my web-surfing and my fascination with watching porn stars having sex. But she's not intimidated by it either. She comes around when she needs to experience the spark, the moment that connects the 2 of us and makes it satisifing. Orgasms are good, but it's the connection, the spark we're both looking for when she looks me in the eye and says, "fuck me good". The rest is just product.
Do you think your POV might be slightly kinked by the life you live and the circle of people around you? Don't forget: Kinsey was first and foremost a statistician -- no matter what weirdness went on back at the lab -- who prided himself in the quality and authenticity of his research. Stripping away the bullshit to get to the heart of "real life". Which is why we still pay attention to his work.
You think. You write well. Keep it up. And if you are ever in Seattle and need a subject to interview...
Ulysses
Kayden,
The reason that you are my new (as of a couple months ago when I "found" you) favorite porn star is, in part, because you seem to be a little less about the gonzo and more about the (illusion of--I know, Grant) romance.
I watch some of the films where 5' 95 lb. girls are taking 14" cocks up the ass, or 2 cocks in one hole, and I find them fascinating in a "how can they do that" way, as much as I find them stimulating.
I'm never going to have a huge cock, so I like fantasizing that I'm holding you, caressing your hair, kissing you and licking you to orgasm just as much as I do about having your lips around my dick.
I suppose that makes me atypical, but then again I think men are a lot more romantic than they talk about or than they get credit for. I also fantasize about your mind. Reading Free, and other interesting books is sexy. (Have you read Outliers, yet?)
My favorite celebs are all brainiacs: Jodie Foster, Nathalie Portman, Brooke Shields, Emma Watson: all Ivy leaguers. Ashley Judd is the only actress I ever read in an interview who actually sent me to the dictionary to look up a word. Smart is sexy.
Back to you: I've enjoyed the crazy / exotic / seemingly-innocent-but-not porn stars (Jenna, Sasha / Tera, Asia, Kobe / Taylor Rain, Jenna Haze, Ginger Lynn) but I feel you are the first just-drop-dead, heart-stopping, breath-catching genuinely beautiful star since Raquel Darrian. I'm not usually into blondes, but gorgeous is gorgeous, regardless.
Kaijen and John Mikael: You and your partner are missing out if lazy missionary sex is preferred. Get out to the gym and get in shape and then get out Kayden's headmaster 3 and mimic her postions with Eric on the couch. Sex shouldn't be boring (like porn) but fun. Mutual oral sex and then at least 3 other positions can be standard and don't tell me you can't be your own porn star.
Xurokai: Being a creative lover is great. There are always new things to try out even in the most subtle ways. A creative lover is a wonderful lover and I am lucky to have one. I do at least 3 different oral positions on her and she does 69 and other on me. She gets on top, then missionary, maybe some reverse, anal in couple of postions once in a while when she feels like it, and some doggie, as this is many of women's favorite position, don't believe this is a fanstasy just enjoyed by porn stars. Every man should have a creative lover who enjoys sex. It makes the world go round and makes sex fun, not boring and tired. And on a special occasion give her a light bondage session, and lick chococate off her breasts and have her lick chocolate off your finger. Why not have desert. Hey, I'm 60 and if I and my partner can be creative you can to.
Grant: you say there is too much sex and it becomes boring. There is some truth to that, but it depends on your attitude. I like to space sexual encounters out so I look forward to it with my partner, not so much that it is very often and routine. Is there too much sex? Try to find a major hollywood movie that has a quality sex scene in it. Good luck. Kids are blasting people away with violent video games. Our media is saturated with crime, war, death, violence, and negativity. Maybe we need more sex. BTW Grant, if you had a quality sex life with someone you loved, you wouldn't be focused too much on the overload of sex. You would be enjoying it, rather than criticizing it.
Rob: You talk about the illusion of love. It is not an illusion, but something very real and fairy tale like. Not everyone finds it. Most often the realization of it can come about after a period of time when you really love someone, have great mutual sex together, and you give her everything including the shirt off your back and fucking worship her. It is unlikely love can be a reality without involving great to moderate sacrifice. Is it worth it? That I can't say. But there is no greater feeling than love and it is very real. If you are not willing to put in the hard work and sacrifice and prepare for the possibility of tremendous heart break you will never know love. That choice is up to you and whether it is worth it or not. Romance is simple. Dinner, some flowers, candy, kind and sweet words, a kiss, and passion. However, love is far beyond that and often involves great sacrifice and everything you have to give. Good luck!
Grant-
You misunderstood me. I am right there with you on the whole subject of love. I was merely acknowledging that watching porn and fantasizing about romance--or raw sex, for that matter--with a beautiful actress is an illusion. Wasn't meant as a criticism, just a clue that, even though I'm a huge fan, I don't confuse reality with fantasy.
I'm not in a sustaining love relationship right now, so I'll take the fantasy over nothing. But I certainly would not value it over a real relationship.
What? I didn't say anything to you Rob.
I meant Glenn!
Talk about your typos!
Kayden,
Kaijen's comment is confirmed by a documentary the IFC did on censorship that aired last night. As soon as there was such a thing as film--starting in the 1890s!--there was smut. For a couple of years, what was shocking was things like a woman's bare ankle, but it turned pretty quickly into all the kinks we consider "modern", up to and including bestiality.
On the separate issue that you talked about earlier, on what I'd be willing to pay for, I haven't been fully employed for a couple of years, so I do tend to go the internet P2P route. When I actually HAVE disposable income I'm more than willing to spend retail price on quality porn, or maybe hit the dance clubs.
Kaijen is right! those positions all appeared in old grey scale movies, and documentaries,
Actually I sometimes try to figure out, who invented those positions, the doggie style, six nines, .. etc and all those kinky positions but I find no answers and no one knows, It is not like Megan fox, lol.
and sex without marriage existed long ago, sex wasn't just about romance, and love, it was about having fun and pleasure, whores were always there and the red room fantasy too, which make me wonder once more, who was behind pimping? and I still "DUNNO".
And for myself, I like missionary slow, quiet sex, with dim light or no light at all, not with all the kinky and loud screaming, but I will always love to watch wicked stuff in porn!
Ya should start on your questions thing to people, it is a good idea to do.
It is Hollywood with just a different subject matter.
Jackie Chan's fight scenes are fantastic fun to watch but real-life fights don't go like that.
OJ's televised car chase was quite different from the car chase scene in Ronin with Robert de Niro and Jean Reno.
Mortal family drama doesn't have the beautiful background music as the scene in Once Upon a Time in the West.
And nobody departs a train like Claudia Cardinale in that same movie.
When will we see a president give a speech like Michael Douglas in The President?
It's all good. That's why we watch.
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