Kayden Kross Official Blog: The hangover @ Kayden Kross's Official Site

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The hangover

I woke up to a hotel phone ringing and a maid trying to walk in. I was fully clothed except for my shoes, which were set tidily at the side of my bed. My feet were covered in lotion and there was a person asleep in the bed next to me. I kicked the maid out and looked around me. The phone gave up. My laptop case was on the desk, unopened. My bag was by the door, also unopened. My iPhone was charging in the far corner next to a table full of empty martini glasses. That made sense considering I didn’t remember getting a hotel room last night.

I flipped the covers off of the other person. My friend was dead asleep. I checked for signs of life and then the clock. 10:30am. She was supposed to be at work at 8. I made it into the bathroom and washed my face, brushed my teeth, chugged a bottle of water and stripped out of last night’s clothes then called my aunt. She was the last person we’d been out with. She answered the phone laughing and asked how I felt. I asked why. She asked if I remembered anything. I remembered ordering a cosmo. OK a few cosmos. She laughed again as I got another call and clicked over. My buddy was on his way to the airport and wanted to say hi before he left because he’d missed me last night. I apologized and told him my phone had died. I told him I was about to order coffee and he was welcome to stop by. He asked where I was. I clicked back over to my aunt and asked where I was. Sheraton, Downtown Sacramento. I clicked back over and he said he’d be there in 5 minutes. Back on the other line my aunt started quizzing me about the night before but I couldn’t remember a thing so she filled me in. There was dancing. Lots of dancing. Mostly on my part but I pulled her boss’s friend into it to and apparently we were an object of interest. Guys hi-fived him. Girls gave me dirty looks. I spilled a drink down my shirt. I hit on a MILF for him. I hit on a gym instructor for her. They all thought it was for me. We drank more.

At one point I guess I decided that I couldn’t drive back to my friend’s place and needed a hotel room. Good call. The boss’s friend drove my rental two blocks down to the Sheraton with all of us piled in the back. I made it just far enough to put my card on the room before getting distracted by the hotel bar. More cosmos. My aunt recounted what she could. We mediated a fighting couple. I ran guys off who tried to talk to my sister. I spilled another drink down my shirt. I tried to fight the guy who used it as a reason to grab my boob (“look your boob is wet,” grope). There was some philosophical conversation. A French guy named Yawn tried to take my aunt home because he likes red hair and white dresses. The bar closed.

I’ve already forgotten most of what she said we did but as she went on the phone beeped again. My buddy was downstairs and wanted to know what room number I was in. I opened my door to look at the number as the room service guy was about to knock. I told him room 1328 and clicked back over to tell my aunt goodbye then turned my attention to room service. “We didn’t order room service,” I said. Wrong room. He checked his paperwork and it confirmed that he was at the right room. He said it was a breakfast pre-order from the night before. Oh. I asked what it was. A bagel and lox and poached eggs. I explained that there is no way I ordered it. He showed me the order that had been filled out and signed. It was my signature. As we went back and forth about room service I had no interest in, the friend made it upstairs and looked at me quizzically then stepped around the man and through the door. It occurred to me at that point that all I wasn’t wearing any clothes. He took it from there and sent the room service guy away.

All of the noise woke up the other girl. She rolled over groggily and asked what time it was but before I could answer she followed it with “oh my god what’s wrong with the bed!” Nothing. It was fine for me. “I’m all wet!” she jumped up and started pulling her clothes off. Then she realized she’d been lying in a pool of her own urine.

We burst out laughing as she ran shrieking into the bathroom. I debated on ordering room service after the little episode we’d just had and finally decided to just call and act like nothing had happened. The lady who answered made me swear that I really meant it this time and I assured her that I really really intended to take the food if she sent it up. She begrudgingly obliged.

Friend number 2 asked what happened last night. I don’t know. I tried to explain it and failed as I checked my texts. They were not good. It was basically just a random spattering of letters that I had sent out to a random spattering of people. The one that was legible said something to the effect of “I look like a pirate because I’m texting with one eye closed”. There was something about foot massages too. I was relieved to find that I had not drunk tweeted anything but I did send an email. I sent a follow up ‘just kidding’ email and got my aunt back on the phone.

I figured there had to be a grand finale to this story. The night had to have ended with a two-headed turtle race or a gypsy or sex with a midget. She confirmed that one guy took a strong interest in my feet and gave me a full service foot bath and massage with really awesome lotion. She said I went off about healthcare. I waited for the good part of the story but it didn’t come. Finally I interrupted her. What else? She laughed again. There is nothing else. “You fell asleep you pansy.”

posted by Kayden Kross on 8:03 PM :: 3 comments

3 Comments:

I am lucky enough once a month or so to meet up with a group of young collegate sikh women (or UCD graduates) who drive a ways to Sacramento to party at the Park Ultra Lounge, Sacramento's best booming nightclub. They are nice Indian women with the most penetrating eyes I have ever seen.
They love to party and get shit-faced and their drink of choice is the Cosmos. I will buy one a drink sometimes and she loves it. How about some blue vodka, Grey Cove, Skyy or Absolute citron Vodka and maybe some lime juice or cranberry juice. Then maybe as a kicker some triple sec or Gran Marnier.
The young ladies act like they handle it well, but I think it gives them a kick if they drink too many. Sexiest drink around. G

By Glenn, at August 26, 2009 11:24 AM

Well I am quite confused as to why, but somewhat glad you've enabled comments. Is this to be a permanent change or was it a mistake?

By ManWhoCriedSheep, at August 26, 2009 7:03 PM

Your candid writing style exceeds the authenticity of your movies. You are something.

By Mario, at August 30, 2009 10:42 PM