Kayden Kross Official Blog: Be nice to strangers @ Kayden Kross's Official Site

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Be nice to strangers

Holy hell I’m sick of bullies. They’re everywhere. Scratch that. They’re everywhere they think they have an upper hand.

I got in a fight with a cop the other day. I was driving around the UCLA campus because I had decided that day that I would finish my degree there. I got pulled over. I’d been a horrible citizen with clear malicious intent when I neglected to put a front license plate on my truck and this cop was the first to catch on to my evil plan in a year and half of driving around with complete disregard for society without a front plate. But he quickly shifted focus from my license plate to my driver’s license when he saw the sheriff’s sticker I had on it. It’s small, less than dime-sized. It’s been there for years. It was given to me by a lobbyist who works with law enforcement. Frankly I’d forgotten it was even on there. He informed me that I had defaced public property by placing this sticker on there and he could arrest me at any time. He peeled my sticker off then disappeared back to his car, where he was undoubtedly double-checking that claim.

While he checked his sources I checked mine. I got the lobbyist on the phone. I was told not to worry. It was a first amendment issue and I had every right to express my support for law enforcement. At this point I really don’t support law enforcement much at all anymore. I’ve found that they’re just like any other asshole with biases and character flaws. The only difference is they back theirs up with guns. The lobbyist called the cop’s lieutenant while I sat in my truck and the cop sat in his car behind me, doing whatever it is cops with an agenda do. The lieutenant backed up his man to my lobbyist. My lobbyist called the LA DA’s office. The DA said there was no way in fuck he would or could prosecute that case. The lobbyist called the lieutenant back. The lieutenant had lost his edge by then and played nice and the cop came back to my window to let me know that he was “choosing” to not arrest me as the lobbyist was in my ear telling me to ask him to go ahead and arrest me. Then he let me know that he was right and I was wrong, and he’s been a cop for 20 years and knows a lot more cops than I do. No shit Sherlock. I half expected him to beat his chest for effect but instead he just stood there blinking and breathing like he’d just run a marathon or killed a boar for his tribe. I asked why he was being so aggressive over a routine traffic stop and a sticker. He said this wasn’t aggressive and I hadn’t seen anything yet. His face was red and there was a little froth at the corner of his mouth. He was loud. I wasn’t impressed. It’s quite easy to be aggressive when you’ve got a government and firepower and a set of handcuffs to back you up. He could unleash it all on the little blond girl and we both know there’s nothing I could do about it, wrong or right. I’m sure he’d feel like a real man then. He could come home to his girlfriend and tell her the war stories of that afternoon—the thugs and the murderers and rapists and the girl with the sticker and the missing front license plate. He “chose” not to take me in though. And he made it a point to have his partner fill out the fix it ticket while he waited in the car. She was a sweet girl and we got along famously.

Then there was last night. I was signing at “Lucky’s” in Jacksonville, North Carolina. The wonderful thing about Lucky’s is it’s proximity to one of the biggest marine bases in the country. They have cool specials like 50-cent domestic beers and being there feels like everywhere, USA. It feels like home. “The 8th Day” just went up for sale online (www.adameve.com) so we’re doing a lot of promotion around it, hence the bar signing complete with 2 hot tubs and a cage fight out back. The place was packed. There was barely anywhere to stand outside in the parking lot much less near the bar. I did what any good pornstar would do. I got in the hot tub and started dragging random girls in there with me.

The great thing about surprise hot tubbing is that these girls were coming in in their bras and panties. We don’t all carry bathing suits around in our back pockets. The unfortunate thing about a town with a population that is 90% marines is that there are far too few women to convince to get naked on a Friday night. I made do.

One of the first girls who got in with me (who I can credit for helping me get the next 3 in after her) had just had a baby less than 4 months ago. Her body was not where she wanted it to be but she was having fun and she was helping everyone else have fun around her. She was a cool chick. She had more balls than the sausage fest that stood packed in like a sardine can around us. Another girl inched in next to the tub but refused to come in. Then she leaned in and let the new mom know, loudly, that her body was the most disgusting thing she’d ever seen.

I double checked with the cunt to make sure I’d heard her right. She repeated herself and the new mom looked like a deer in the headlights. I asked her who the fuck she thought she was to judge someone from the sidelines and she darted off. I couldn’t let it go. My drink was close to empty so I replaced the contents with tub water as I jumped out and went after her. Her face was priceless though when she got hosed with it. Her jaw dropped. She made that little huff noise that they always make in the high school movies when the bitch prom queen finally gets what she deserves. Then she was speechless and it was over. She left. I’d like to think she’ll be nicer to strangers next time. The cop too. But he’s a harder case so long as he has that gun to back him up.

posted by Kayden Kross on 10:33 PM :: 17 comments

17 Comments:

Whatever happened to people being nice? I'm glad you took some action. g

By Glenn, at August 1, 2009 11:53 PM

The cop, if he were ever a decent man, probably suffers from such a profound sense of despair at the unjust legal system which has so deeply distorted his profession that he is desperate to control something. Anything. Whatever it is in order to keep alive his vision of society which he swore an oath to try to create. If all he can do is to at least keep pretty young college students respectful of the concept of the rule of law, even if the law is too often petty and cumbersome, then at least that's something.

The sticker on your license reminded him that he doesn't even have that. You know as well as I do that in this day and age people put "support law enforcement" stickers on things which they think cops will see not to show their support, but to butter them up in case they're forced to confront them. "The judges are cynical, the DA is cynical, my lieutenant is cynical, all of the people I arrest - even the ones who deserve it - are cynical, the average, innocent fat guy is cynical -and now, even this sweet young blonde girl - the last type of person I'd expect to be cynical - has shown that she's cynical, too" is probably what he thought.

If you wanted to live in a society empty of assholes, instead of helping to manufacture them wholesale, you should have taken your gifts and done something with them. The popular notion that beauty, brains, and most importantly character can exist in the same person is dead. Most people would deny it if you were to ask them straight out, they'll give you the excuse that they do what they in order to celebrate that, but the sum of their actions betray what they really believe.

You sell that very image, complete with a nod to uncynical purity. Evidently, people are buying. It's something so lacking in every day life that people are willing to pay to look at pictures of women they will never know in order to believe that at least it's still alive somewhere. But that's all that they're willing to do because a belief is not knowledge. When the illusion wears thin, and the nature of what it is that they're doing becomes apparent - when they realize what feeling that feeling has been reduced to - they react with their own form of cynicism: righteous indignation. Anger is not a primary emotion, but an indication of one of two more basic emotions: hurt or fear. Hurt, because one senses one doesn't deserve it and fear because one's clueless to change it.

Why should cops hold on to their virtue when the price is so high? When rewards come only to those who are willing to let go of their own? Why not lash out at the world by making a mockery of your chosen profession? Why shouldn't every last cop use every opportunity to get in the career-furthering habit of exercising arbitrary power? Is that really any different than getting in the habit of losing oneself in pornographic fantasy instead of learning the rules of talking to actual women? Is that not caused by the same sense of depair? That there is no justice or respect for the law in the world is the exact same belief as the one that says that there are no virtuous women in real life.

What about electing to become a marketable sex object and thereby foregoing any chance to use all of one's talents to achieve the higher aspirations one so obviously holds? Where does that come from?

When you're ruled from the top to the bottom by a horde of unthinking zombies, each trying to impress the next with an impression of wisdom and virture by a continual lowering of what it means to be wise and virtuous, and when you're scared to death because you can't understand how it all happened, all of these options seem preferable to the prospect of becoming their next object of scorn. At the end of the day, you may end up no better than any one of them, but at least you don't have to suffer the indignity of taking it seriously - or worse: of discovering that there was a way to escape it.

By Grant, at August 2, 2009 3:08 AM

Kayden,

Congrats on deciding on UCLA. One of the best public universities in the country...a great place to finish your education.

As for the cordiality of strangers (or lack thereof)...there are still some of us out there :-).

By Hays, at August 2, 2009 6:59 AM

So you ran into an asshole cop and a jealous petty bitch. One should never make fun of anothers body because there is always someone thinking the same about you. I did not know that a driver license was public property, no one better be using my license.

You cop story reminds me of one of my own stories.

A few years ago when I was still living in Michigan I had just moved and had not changed the address on my drivers license. About a week after moving I was pulled over by a local cop at about 2:00am. When he saw my address on my license he asked what I was doing in the area at that time of night since the address on my license was about 50 miles away.

I explained that I had just moved a week earlier and had not had a chance to change the address. Now in Michigan you have 30 days to change you address after you move. He asked my new address and I gave it to him. At that time one of his "buddies" drove up and they discussed the situation and the buddy drove off and returned in about 2 minutes. I figure he went to verify the address was legit.

The cop kept me pulled over for at least 45 minutes checking whatever they check. Hey I guess he thought I was a wanted murderer on the loose. He originally pulled me over for speeding, doing 55 in a 45 zone, wow what a speed demon since no one else on the road at all.

He finally came back to my car and said he was "only" going to ticket me for failure to change my address, what a criminal I was. I decided to go to court to fight the ticket and asshole cop showed up in court. When the judge heard what happened he blasted the cop and told him he better never come back to court with such stupid charges and waste the judges time. The judge looked at me and said sarcastically that that I committed such heinous crime, then apologized to me for wasting my time with these stupid charges. The cop left the court with his head hanging and the other cops in attendance looking at him like he was a big ass.

By Carl, at August 2, 2009 10:11 AM

Grant,

You're as reliable as Old Faithful. You start out by showing a little sympathy with a "big picture" perspective on what life might be like for the cop, and then you attack Kayden as if the cop's cynicism was all her fault.

You then go on to attack those of us who enjoy Kayden (again). I have a question for you. Does your anger come from hurt or fear? Was a beautiful woman--maybe a porn star--rude to you once?

Quelle surprise!

So you hate beautiful women because they're all just devious manipulating bitches, but when you came across one who makes a conscious attempt to be nice, it can't be true. Just more deceit from Kayden because she knows how the money machine works.

Well, guess what? I'll even admit to you that that is possible. I've met dancers and porn stars who definitely were putting on a "nice" act to get customers to shell out the $$$.

But I haven't met Kayden, and I have no evidence that her niceness--or her intelligence, or her sense of humor, or anything else I like about her--is an act. I don't think that makes me self-deluded; I think it makes me a decent human being who enjoys giving someone the benefit of the doubt until they prove me wrong.

Life would be pretty sad and lonely if I assumed the worst intentions from anyone I ever met. (I could make an exception with politicians: assume the worst until they prove me wrong).

I feel sorry for you Grant. Of all the regular bloggers, you are clearly the most unhappy, and yet you perversely believe that there is something seriously wrong with all of us.

Kayden,

Congrats on deciding to finish your degree. Trust me, every year you put it off it gets harder and harder to make yourself go back and get it done.
I'm proud of you for sticking with it.

By Rob, at August 2, 2009 2:35 PM

I dunno! How do you do it. You seem to attract trouble where ever you go. Goodness me. I think it may be to do with 1) the places you frequent. 2) Your a porn star. 3)People recognise you or your clothing (or lack of) and the setting and put two and two together to make five. 4) Working in the places you work you meet over zealous `jobs worths' and well oild, not to say drunk and/or jealous people who, given the circumstances and their narrow minds, must have their shitty day or evening in the sunlight. I can send you a pair of metal walking sticks so you can bash the next wanker or bitch over the head. :)

By Firewall, at August 2, 2009 3:01 PM

Grant, this is getting boring, sorry not `getting', try `has gotten.' Yawn, yawn, the great and wise Grant. The clue is in the name G(reat)Rant. We all know we're `following' zombies with nothing better to do than buy into Kayden. And we all know that we don't have an ounce of the intellectual power that you, so obviously, display. We're stupid but happy. That makes you the guy who wears the t-shirt slogan, "I'm with stupid." Perhaps you mess around with stupid people because you are scared to have your intellect outshone by people clever than you. Sorry for the pseudo-intellectual nonsense I spout but I do feel I have to try. Rob, as always, to the point. Is anybody wishing for the days of a good Bible Thumper rather than the advice and wisdom of the local, lonely, college tutor? How many women do you talk to Grant? Do they wear ear-plugs after the first discourse. I say `discourse' because I'm pretty certain it doesn't lead to intercourse unless they are deaf or don't read the stuff you write. I'm fairly certain this leads me open to an `ugly twat comment' by one of your cronies or alternative namesakes.

By Firewall, at August 2, 2009 3:36 PM

I don't even bother to give my time to reading Grants postings. I know they are a waste of time and my energy. Just ignore him

By Carl, at August 2, 2009 4:35 PM

Rob:
I have met Kayden a few times at signings and I will say not only is she nice, but that Kayden is one of the nicest women I have ever met. Please meet her if you can. G

By Glenn, at August 2, 2009 6:34 PM

Carl: As a man who loves women and has all my life, it is disappointing to have a misogynist on this site. Bring back the Bible Thumper. There is more truth in that than any psycho babble Grant presents.

By Glenn, at August 2, 2009 6:37 PM

Grant,

I do have to say, that you have a small point. Most of the people on here, if they were having sex five times a day with a woman as beautiful as Kayden, presumably wouldn't be on here at all.

I, for one, freely admit that I'm too fat and ugly to meet or talk to someone like Kayden unless it were at some show or event. (Sorry to speak for you) Firewall appears to be somewhat shy and possibly disabled (metal walking sticks?)

None of those things make us a) self-deluded, or b) pathetic losers. I'm guessing you're not exactly George Clooney's twin. I haven't heard about the decathlons you go out and compete in on the weekends.

So why not put an end to the tirades, and just relax a little. Despite your attempts to turn this into a societal issue, Kayden might as well have taken the Hippocratic oath--she does no harm.

If we enjoy her beauty, brains and charm does that somehow harm you? Or us? I truly think not.

So I beg you once again: give it a rest.

By Rob, at August 2, 2009 6:39 PM

Kayden,

Your experience with "law enforcement" is just like this deal with the Cambridge cop and the Harvard professor.

There was definitely color involved in the cop's decision to arrest Gates. That color was BLUE. "You think you have free speech in your own house, but if you choose to yell at me for being a jerk, I choose to put handcuffs on you and drag you off your front porch. Why? Because I can."

Almost every disinterested person who read Crowley's report said that even if you accept everything he said as 100% accurate, Gates's actions never amounted to a criminal offense.

Was he rude or even abusive to the cop? Wouldn't surprise me a bit. Does verbal abuse from a disabled old man in his own home qualify as a threat to Officer Crowley? Not in a million years.

So Crowley decides to bring him down a notch. Not for the same reason a Southern cop might, that he was being "uppity."

But it amounts to the same thing. "I have the badge, the gun and the authority. You don't. You may think I'm here to serve and protect you, but if you don't show me the proper deference, maybe I don't feel like it."

For the record, I'm white, but I've been pushed around by asshole cops too. Police unions are like the AMA, they do a horrible job of weeding out the bad apples.

I'm just glad you came out relatively unscathed. And thanks for sticking up for the not physically blessed.

By Rob, at August 2, 2009 6:52 PM

Rob, you make me laugh in a good way. Click on my name and read my blog or find it at www.firewallsdiary.blogspot.com it isnt too much but it gives some insight into me and links to my website, which friend and foe are welcome to read and leave a comment. I don't think one could accuse me of being shy, lol.

I was born with Cerebral palsy, which needs no sympathy at all- it's who I am, at least, in part. I'm far from shy. Unfortunately no one has taken me up on my offers, others think i'm `picky.' Most people have to come up with some explanation as to why I'm still single at my age and it, normally, ends up being my fault in some way. C'est la vie. I'm not totally devoid of sex and I've been truly blessed to know some extremely beautiful women in my life. Although people like Grant will, no doubt, question my `knowing.' These are women I met and spent considerable, allbeit, non-sexual time with. And, yes, some are or were in the porn industry but some have been women i've worked with. In life I take blessings as I find them, even when relationships (such as they may be) are not necessarily conventional. This is perhaps something that Grant could learn from instead of, even by ignorant implication, criticising other people's arrival at porn; by which, I just mean, we all have our own life paths and reasons to find porn fun, nothing more.

By Firewall, at August 3, 2009 1:43 AM

My brother is a cop. He never talks about the job though, i wonder what kind of cop he is sometimes.

By Matt, at August 4, 2009 4:29 AM

Cops being held responsible:
http://www.columbusdispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2009/08/05/gahannacycle.html?sid=101

Too bad it takes a motorcycle cop going 150 mph...

By Hays, at August 6, 2009 8:21 AM

I grew up with a Father who was often "loudspoken" and the "squeky wheel" when out an about. I was married to someone's who DAD put my father to shame.

It always embarrassed me and he also did not have the ability to self edit is words coming out of his mouth at times.

I been blessed to have passed on much better traits in my two children, to the point we used to get complimented on how well behaved and mannered my kids were with others.

If we can make an effort, I think we could eliminate a lot of this crap, but many don't care to.

Mike-Gatorboy

By Mike-Wag, at August 8, 2009 9:53 AM

Hi Kayden...

I'd never heard of you until the other day - I can see why people are so interested in your blogs given your beauty and freely-expressed thoughts... Your perspectives are interesting and often different to the norm.

Reading between the lines, I'm curious as to whether you'll pursue your academic interests when/if you phase out of modeling work? You clearly aren't continuing your studies for financial reasons...

Wanderer

PS: Oh... you should definitely visit Australia one day ;-)

By Wandering, at August 18, 2009 11:40 PM