Kayden Kross Official Blog: Cunnilingus @ Kayden Kross's Official Site

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Cunnilingus

Ok so I probably shouldn’t have taken so long to realize people want to hear about sex. Gross oversight on the pornstar’s part. My bad. While I’d love to continue on about blow jobs I think I should save BJ 101b-z for another day. The obvious counterpart would be cunnilingus, which in my head is said with an English accent as if being narrated in a documentary. The ancient art of cunnilingus. Things written in Italic are also said with an English accent in my head.

I’m not gonna lie. I don’t have nearly as much experience receiving as I do giving. I’ve only really embraced it in the last couple of years, and only after much persuasion. This is because I had been a victim of man-ego for so many years. I had sworn it off. So that’s going to be lesson one:

Take your ego out of it asshole.

Have you ever been the guy or slept with the guy who had to prove that he was good at eating pussy when he had absolutely no idea what he was doing and continued to waste your time long past the window of opportunity when things were fun and exciting and spontaneous? I have. This is what happens when guys want to prove themselves and can’t: she either says what’s on her mind and gives dude negative wood for the next three days and a pin-on tail to tuck between his legs, or she fakes it to get it over with and he goes on believing he has the Midas touch. It’s a vicious cycle. So please boys, don’t force her to fake it or hurt your feelings. Force her to teach you what she likes. If you don’t get it at first, don’t feel bad. Most guys don’t get it ever so you’re ahead of the curve. But no matter how good you think you are or how willing you are to learn, don’t keep her in pussy eating limbo for hours on end while you prove it. Clits get desensitized just like dicks do. You’re wasting your time past the 15 minute marker.

Pussy eating is hard. Think about it. A penis has pretty obvious likes and dislikes. It likes vaginas and things that feel like vaginas. It doesn’t like pain. It was made for pain-free vaginas and vagina mimicking paraphernalia. We have a general idea of where to go from there in regards to the proper care and feeding of penises. But clits…. They’re just kinda hanging out in their reclusive little hoods. What were they made for? They don’t aid in reproduction or serve any biological purpose aside from plugging straight in to major pleasure centers in the brain. See. Girls are more evolved than boys.

They’re also better performers than boys in the bedroom. This is coming directly from a textbook. We are capable of having more and better orgasms than boys. How much better? I don’t know. I imagine that would be hard to measure in units. But we have 8,000 nerve endings in that little 1-inch elusive clit (it’s actually closer to 3 inches but the rest is inaccessible)…. And dude has about half that in all of his inches. We win.

Ok so let’s get to it. We’re dealing with 1 inch of straight nerve endings that has no real purpose in life other than to be played with just right.

Clits like friction, kinda, but not too much, unless you’re pressing them straight up against a massive plastic covered power tool. Yes I’m talking about vibrators. Girls like gentle gentle gentle and then the second you plug something into a wall we turn up the speed until a fuse blows. It’s strange. My theory is that it works this way because clits desensitize so quickly. I try not to even use vibrators because the desensitization lasts a long time. If you have a vibrator habit try a two-week detox. You might be surprised by how amazing human touch still is. Or not. I’m just talking from personal experience here.

Think of a clit that’s fully covered by the hood as an uncircumcised penis—meaning the tip is way more sensitive than one that’s always hanging out rubbing against clothes and generally interacting with the outside world. The ones that are uncovered can take a little more intensity. I can’t handle too much directly on the tip. In fact if I haven’t been desensitized I can’t handle any. I’ll kick you. If you watch closely in couple of my scenes you might catch me pinching someone. I’m a pain egalitarian.

Without turning you boys off to the whole pussy eating thing I’d really like to get you to think of the clit as a tiny penis. Biologically speaking it’s not far off. Before week nine in the womb it could have gone either way, and the deciding factor was the amount of androgens you were exposed to.

So with that in mind, you can now pay attention to whether you’re doing it right or she’s just been stroking your ego your whole life. Clits get hard. We can’t fake that any better than you can fake an erection. We can’t fake cum either any better than you can, and when we cum we get wetter. We also have little contractions but we can fake those until we’re blue in the face so don’t rely on that. While we can have better orgasms than you and keep having them for longer, we also take longer to get going. You take 30 seconds to get a hard on, we can take 3-5 minutes or longer. Going straight into pussy eating from a stand still might work against you. Try foreplay to the foreplay. Or do what I do. Warm up with a good old-fashioned BJ.

Once she’s actually physiologically aroused you have a canvas to work with. Create a suction cup over her clit with your mouth by placing it between your lips and stroking the underside quickly and lightly by flicking your tongue from the base of her clit toward the roof of your mouth and back again. Keep your teeth out of the picture. If you would donkey punch her for doing it to you then you have no right to do it to her. Unless we’re talking about butt sex. But we’re not. Pay attention to all of the things I mentioned about BJs. You’re building an orgasm. Speed matters. We like it faster than you probably like it but that doesn’t always mean faster is better. It means find the speed she likes by paying attention to how hard or soft her clit is getting. These things respond just like your dick does. Once you’ve found your motion don’t stop. It’s like stalling a stick shift.

Clit is to dick as labia is to ball sack. We vary here. Some boys like their sacks messed with and some don’t. Same with girls. It’s most likely not going to give her the orgasm though. Personally it just annoys me. As far as I’m concerned all you’re doing is taking attention away from 3 holes and a clit when you focus on labia, and it just seems like your priorities are suddenly out of order.

Make it easy on yourself. Insert something somewhere. The added stimulation can take some of the guesswork out of it. The butthole has a lot of awesome nerve endings but if she’s clearly not comfortable with a finger up the bum then don’t push it. If she’s distracted she won’t cum. If she’s down with it then be gentle back there. Buttholes are more sensitive than vaginas. Don’t you dare put anything up there without adequate lube and hand care. That means cut your fingernails stupid. And your hangnails. And wash your hands. Maybe some unscented lotion. If this is beyond you or you have callouses get some professional help. They’re called manicures and if you’re worried about being teased by your buddies just let them know that you’re doing it for buttholes. Female buttholes. They’ll understand.

You’re also more likely to be allowed back there if she’s had some sort of sex notice and an opportunity to do a pre-game check. Vaginas are always fun too. They were made for this kind of thing. They’re really not that sensitive compared to what lies north and south of them though, so focus on that mythical dime-sized spongy thing that Cosmo says lies a few inches inside on the top. That’s right. The G spot. Put your middle and index finger together with your palm facing you, lube it up, and slide it in. Now do something rhythmic in there and make sure it’s not out of tune with what you’re doing with your mouth. Maybe do it to the half or quarter beat. Rub your fingertips toward your wrist along the general area you think the G spot might be. Alternating your fingers to make it look like your hand is doing the moonwalk inside her is quite effective in my experience.

This is where you come in ladies. Don’t just lie there and bark orders. Rock your hips into him so that things land exactly where you want them. A millimeter can make all the difference in the world and he’s not psychic. Be a team player. Do whatever it is you do to make yourself cum when he’s not around. If you don’t have a few tricks up your sleeve then borrow some of mine—flex your leg muscles as hard as you possibly can, press down on the stomach muscles below your belly button with the palm of your hand, or scream like you’re auditioning for a horror movie.

And this last bit is for both of you. Obviously the boy part of this equation needs to be aware of facial hair and all the horrible things it can do. Girls don’t generally like 5 o’clock road rash. But we’re hypocrites. I’m outing us as a gender. We don’t even think twice about stubble down there. Boys hate road rash too. Especially around the base of their dicks or the tips of their tongues. That’s my public service announcement for the day. Have fun.

posted by Kayden Kross on 12:43 AM :: 21 comments

21 Comments:

Well done.

I can't say I've had as much experience performing cunnilingus as I would have liked over the years, but I'm like you, I feel like I get more out of giving than receiving. (Of course, I don't think I've been receiving from anyone with your skills, so who can say.)

Nevertheless, I always try to study up and know things even if it may be a while (or never) till I ever get to try them out. Not being critical, but I'm not sure I learned much just now that was new. I'm sure it was great for guys who have never bothered to learn what they were doing, but I would consider it a huge favor if you could do a future column on any extra bells and whistles that do it for you?

Kinds of lubes? Any fetish stuff like chocolate sauce or ice cubes or Binaca? If you're getting good G-spot action do you ever squirt? Or get "cascading" orgasms?

Hoping to read more! And thanks for what you're doing.

By Rob, at July 18, 2009 1:22 AM

Dining at the Y is a wonderful activity and have done it through out my life for many years. Experience is what counts and builds confidence.
It is refreshing to hear Kayden's take on the subject. This is a sex site, is it not?
Going South is an entirely natural experience, but it does take practice. So what are you waiting for? Go out and get some now!

By Glenn, at July 18, 2009 1:48 AM

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By Firewall, at July 18, 2009 2:28 AM

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By Firewall, at July 18, 2009 2:32 AM

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By Firewall, at July 18, 2009 2:36 AM

This IS something I've actually done. So, I can leap up and down with joy? Sadly, no, and niether did the woman I did it to. It was all part of my fading `one time' experience- and therefore lack of experience. I enjoyed what I can remember but I have no idea what she thought (or really thought.)

Next, this was a quick blog visit on a morning when I have to get ready to go out. And I haven't had breakfast yet. Plus, I'm going out for lunch later on. So, I'm not sure either meal mixes with thoughts or the practicallities of cunnilingus. I'm hungry, but not for cunnillingus at this stage of the day.Lol, I will be back to read more later; the last time you wrote about sex, the BJ, I found very instructive. Remembering, of course, that this is a blog and not a sex instruction manual.

I, for one, enjoy or, if `enjoy' isn't always the right word, find your blog interesting regardless of topic; the sum total is insight into your life as it is, which is why most people who blog, blog. I'm off for some breakfast. I read about a third of this latest blog and will be back for more. Three deletes. Sorry, editing.

By Firewall, at July 18, 2009 2:37 AM

Great post, Kayden.

I've linked to it.

Of course, down here in Rio, I'm known as lingua mágica, so your tutorial, while hugely enjoyable, is wasted on me.

Ho hum....

By hogansgoat, at July 18, 2009 5:03 AM

Firewall, as long as the girl is clean, a cunning linguist will enjoy the activity with any meal, a snack before or between meals, or for dessert!

Sorry to hear of your less than stellar experience; it's like learning to ride a bike--keep at it until you find the natural balance.

If you get another shot at it, I'm sure just thinking of Kayden would be all the inspiration you need!

Actually, that last is probably just blog blather. Kayden's right. You have to pay close attention to your partner's reactions: breathing, muscle tightening, moans, playing with your hair, extra moisture, changes in the clit.... Whew! I need to go hose myself down.

I love this blog, This morning I got to vicariously go down on one of the world's most beautiful women, and then Join Firewall for a vicarious breakfast and lunch. (No calories anywhere!)

(Cheeky to invite myself along, I know, Firewall, but if it's any consolation, I was really good company.)

By Rob, at July 18, 2009 5:43 AM

A meal on the practicalities of cunnilingus. Hmm, why not try some oyster stew, creamed spinach, then top that off with strawberry shortcake and whipped cream for desert!

By Glenn, at July 18, 2009 7:18 AM

Rob said: "Sorry to hear of your less than stellar experience; it's like learning to ride a bike--keep at it until you find the natural balance." LMAO! So, that's why I'm no good at it. Can we make it "like learning to ride a tricycle or a wheelchair; no matter how hard I try I'd never ride a bike unless I was a passanger...is there a similar analogy there to cunnillingus?

I've never known if a long tongue could make a difference, if so, I might do OK. :)

By Firewall, at July 18, 2009 9:24 AM

Firewall,

I'm sure a long tongue helps a lot, How else to explain the kabillions of women an ugly dude like Gene Simmons gets. Even has a PMOY girlfriend that puts up with him as a serial cheater.

Actually reminds me of one of my favorite jokes:

"If reincarnation is real, I've decided I want to come back as a whale. Knowing what I know now, if I could come back as something with a three-foot-long tongue and a breathing hole in the back of my head...."

Hey, Kayden, the CAPTCHA word I have to undistort is "multi O". Are you rubbing it in that girls win?

By Rob, at July 18, 2009 5:32 PM

The millionaire, Gene Simmons?

No idea.

Really.

By hogansgoat, at July 18, 2009 6:13 PM

Rob, I have the tongue, I can touch my nose with it, maybe not something anyone needed to know. Hogansgoat, Gene Simmons the millionaire singer with Kiss, always showing their tongues. There's a famous picture I can remember but don't have, so I can't show you.

I, finally read the whole blog and, to be honest, with all that desensatized stuff and a 15 minute window, not to mention the possibility of being kicked if I can it wrong, I find it all rather daunting; thank God for the preamble of a BJ first! I think i'm left with two options; don't try it or hope the woman doesn't mind faking to protect my ego, lol.

More seriously, I think the key thing here seems to be knowing your partner and asking what she likes, or learning together what you both like and what works for each person and couple. Right?

By Firewall, at July 19, 2009 10:10 AM

You have learned much, Grasshopper.

By Rob, at July 19, 2009 4:14 PM

Thanks Kayden. Alos it helps a lot if the girl is fresh down there.

Girls you want us clean, make sure that you are clean also.

By Carl, at July 20, 2009 5:26 AM

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By the artful dodger, at July 20, 2009 10:20 AM

great post, one would even say fair and balanced! unlike that evil fox news...anyway, as always funny, smart and you pull no punches and i love reading your views and daily life as much as i do the sex goodness - best line: "if you’re worried about being teased by your buddies just let them know that you’re doing it for buttholes. Female buttholes."
bless you...which reminds me, when is your instructional installment of anal fun hitting these here blogstands?...that one i may have to take a cold shower for...and as with any sex act, no matter how good you are, there is always something to learn on both ends. heh...ends.

By the artful dodger, at July 20, 2009 10:22 AM

Kayden,

I was just rereading your post, and I think you may have come up with the ultimate solution for nearly all of the world's problems: wars, hunger, the huge gap between the haves and have-nots, the so-called war between the sexes, evil dictatorships.

You've got the solution for all of it, right there in the beginning--

Take your ego out of it asshole!

From now on, when I think of cunnilingus, I'll think of it as a first step toward achieving world peace.

By Rob, at July 20, 2009 9:17 PM

You just used the terms: butthole, vagina and donkey punch in the same arena.

Marry me.

By thebhoshow, at July 20, 2009 11:27 PM

oh, and "butt sex", which is what me and my stupid friends still call it. i might have just fallen in love with you. i'm running tests to know for sure.

By thebhoshow, at July 20, 2009 11:29 PM

I really enjoy reading your blogs Kayden. I love the way you write them, it's super easy to wanna just keep going on.

By Francis, at July 27, 2009 12:15 AM